Why you feel stuck in stress mode (and how to break the cycle)

You’re lying in bed, exhausted, but your mind won’t stop racing. You wake up feeling drained, even after a full night’s sleep. Your to-do list feels overwhelming, your emotions feel unpredictable, and your body feels constantly on edge—like you’re bracing for something, even when nothing’s wrong.

If this sounds familiar, your nervous system is likely stuck in fight-or-flight mode—a state of chronic stress that makes rest, ease, and joy feel just out of reach.

The good news? You can train your body to shift out of survival mode and into a state of calm, balance, and flow. But first, we need to understand why so many of us—especially women—struggle with nervous system dysregulation in the first place.

What is the nervous system, and why does it matter?

Your nervous system is your body’s command center, controlling everything from your breathing and digestion to your emotional responses and energy levels. It consists of the brain and the nerves in the body which give each other continuous signals back and forth. It has two primary modes:

1. The Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight-or-Flight)
• Activated during stress, deadlines, or danger.
• Increases cortisol, heart rate, and muscle tension.
• Prepares you to fight, flee, or freeze—even if there’s no actual threat.

1. The Parasympathetic Nervous System (Rest-and-Digest)

• Activated when you feel safe, grounded, and at ease.
• Lowers stress hormones, relaxes muscles, and improves digestion.
• Helps you access creativity, intuition, and deep relaxation.

Ideally, your body moves seamlessly between these two states, responding to stress when necessary and then returning to balance. But chronic stress, trauma, and overworking can trap us in a constant fight-or-flight loop, making it hard to truly rest and recharge.

The result? Burnout, anxiety, poor digestion, hormone imbalances, and difficulty sleeping.

Signs your nervous system is stuck in fight-or-flight mode

• You wake up feeling tired but wired.
• You feel jumpy, restless, or easily irritated.
• You experience digestive issues like bloating, IBS, or nausea.
• You crave control and struggle to let go of overthinking.
• You often feel overwhelmed, even by small tasks.
• You have trouble sleeping or feel exhausted no matter how much you rest.

Sound familiar? If so, it’s time to reset your nervous system and shift into a state of flow.

How to heal your nervous system & shift into flow

The key to nervous system healing isn’t about “relaxing harder” or forcing yourself to calm down. Because what you’ll find is, you simply can’t Just like a race horse can’t stop running and stand still in the stable, it needs to ‘unwind and walk it out’. So the idea of chilling to calm your nervous system doesn’t actually work that well, it’s more about sending safety signals to your body—teaching it that it’s okay to rest, receive, and be at ease.

Here’s how to start:

1. Activate your vagus nerve (your built-in stress regulator)

The vagus nerve is the longest nerve in your body, running from your brainstem, via your lungs, all the way into your gut. It’s like a reset button for stress—when activated, it signals your body to relax.

Try this:

• Humming or singing: The vibrations stimulate the vagus nerve and help shift you into a calm state.
• Cold exposure: Splash cold water on your face or take a cold shower to reset your nervous system. Note: ice bathing may be too stressing on the system creating the opposite effect so go slow on yourself.
• Deep belly breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds (long exhales activate relaxation, especially via the mouth, sigh ‘ahhhh’).

2. Move your body to release stuck stress

When you’re stuck in fight-or-flight mode, stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline build up in your body. If they’re not released, they can cause muscle tension, anxiety, and even inflammation.

Try this:

• Shaking therapy: Stand up, let your body shake for 1-2 minutes, and feel the stress melt away. Even doing this right the moment you wake up, almost like a dog can shake the stagnation away.
• Stretching & yoga: Release stored tension in the hips, neck, and shoulders (where stress often hides).
• Walking in nature: Just 10 minutes outside (!) can lower cortisol and shift your nervous system.

3. Use sensory grounding to calm an overactive mind

When your mind is racing, grounding into your senses can instantly bring you back to the present.

Try this:

• 5-4-3-2-1 method: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you touch, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste. Mindfulness at it’s best.
• Essential oils: Lavender, chamomile, and rose activate relaxation centers in the brain.
• Weighted blankets: The deep pressure mimics a hug, signalling safety to the nervous system.

4. Rewire your brain with safe self-talk

Your nervous system listens to the way you talk to yourself. If you’re constantly saying, “I’m so overwhelmed,” or “I have too much to do,” your body will stay in survival mode.

Try this:

• Instead of: “I have to get everything done.”
• Say: “I am safe to move at my own pace.”
• Instead of: “I can’t relax, I have too much on my plate.”
• Say: “I am allowed to rest and recharge.”

Changing your inner dialogue sends signals of safety to your brain, helping you shift into a state of calm.

5. Eat for nervous system balance

What you eat directly affects your stress response. Processed foods, caffeine, and alcohol can keep your body in high alert mode. My advice would be to stay away from caffeine and alcohol for two weeks and see how you feel.

Nervous system-supporting foods:

• Magnesium-rich foods (dark chocolate, almonds, bananas) to relax muscles.
• Omega-3s (salmon, walnuts, flaxseeds) to reduce inflammation and anxiety.
• Probiotics (kimchi, yogurt, sauerkraut) to support gut-brain communication.

6. Prioritize true rest (not just zoning out on your phone)

Many of us “rest” by scrolling on our phones, but this keeps our brain overstimulated. Instead, opt for restorative rest—the kind that truly refuels you.

Try this:

• Yoga Nidra: A 20-minute guided relaxation practice that restores energy.
• Laying on the floor or couch with no distractions: Just breathe and let your body settle.
• Spending time in nature without a phone: Give your nervous system a break from constant input.

Your nervous system is your superpower

When your nervous system is balanced, you feel clear, energized, and deeply present. Anxiety fades, digestion improves, creativity flows, and life feels easier. Hello Yin energy!

The best part? You don’t need to overhaul your life to heal your nervous system. Just a few small shifts each day can retrain your body to feel safe, at ease, and in flow.

So, which nervous system reset will you try today? Your body is always listening.

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By Louise Lagendijk, MD